


Close Call

by DieAstra



Series: Getting Close [4]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, New Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DieAstra/pseuds/DieAstra
Summary: Kathryn loses something very dear. But Chakotay comes to the rescue, as he always does.Set after Janeway and Chakotay are back from New Earth.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Getting Close [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795318
Comments: 18
Kudos: 39





	Close Call

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Curator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curator/gifts), [coffeeblack75](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeblack75/gifts).



> Today I almost lost something that I had put a lot of work into. While I could have made it a second time, it wouldn’t have been the same. When I told Curator about it she gave me this prompt which was too good to not follow.
> 
> I also want to take this opportunity to thank my co-authors Curator and coffeeblack75 for shaping this “Getting Close” series in their unique ways. We inspired each other wonderfully. If you haven’t read the other parts yet, I want to highly recommend them!

They had been back on board _Voyager_ for a few days already but only now Kathryn found the time to unpack her belongings. Other things had been more important. Slipping back into the captain role after playing Robinson for several months had been not as easy as she’d imagined.

This was what she had wished for every day on New Earth. This was what she had worked hard for. She was grateful that Tuvok had found a way to rescue Chakotay and her. 

So why did she find it so difficult to get accustomed to her old life?

Not that anyone would know, at least she hoped so. On the outside she was functioning, giving orders, even bantering with the crew. But on the inside something was missing.

She kept herself busy, rather not thinking about what this something was.

She could have talked to Chakotay; she probably should ask whether he also felt as disjointed. But she kept putting it off. Her feelings were not important, her crew was. Always had been and always would be. She would worry about the rest another day.

Even her uniform felt constricting. She felt as if she couldn’t breathe properly with the collar of the turtleneck pressing against her neck, after wearing much less restrictive clothes during the past weeks.

This was also why she had kept putting off unpacking. She was afraid looking at the dresses she'd worn on New Earth would overwhelm her with memories she didn’t feel like dealing with right now. Not that there were many opportunities to wear those dresses around here anyway. She probably should recycle them.

But unpacking had to be done, and finally she couldn’t put it off any longer.

Determined to get through with this Kathryn opened the lid of the cargo container that had been beamed straight to her quarters and accusingly stood in a corner ever since.

If she had expected the dresses to wake unwelcomed memories, she was not prepared for the onslaught of feelings the simple wooden box that lay right on top provoked.

Suddenly she was back on New Earth, using the straight razor from this shaving kit to free Chakotay of stubble he didn’t want. Breathing in his scent, getting close to him, closer than she ever had been before. It had been a very intimate and sensual moment they shared. She remembered every second of it and everything that had come after.

She couldn’t deny it, she had been happy then. Chakotay had made her happy, and from the adoring look in his eyes she knew he’d felt the same.

Her fingers traced the carving on the lid of the box. The wood was very smooth from many years of handling.

Carefully she opened the lid – and froze. Her heart missed a beat and a dreadful knot formed in her stomach. She found it hard to swallow. Her mind refused to believe what her eyes were seeing. 

All the shaving items were lying in their designated places. All but one. There was a glaringly empty space in the middle where the razor should have been.

It couldn’t be. It couldn’t…

Frantically she threw out everything else the container held, not caring where the dresses were flying, looking for this one small item that meant so much to her.

Finally she had to sit back and admit defeat. The container was empty. The razor wasn’t here.

She had lost the one thing that had been very close to her heart. It was now on a planet thousands of lightyears away.

For a split second she considered turning the ship around, to go back. But then she couldn’t be sure she would find what she was looking for, and it would have all been for nothing. She couldn’t put the crew through that; she was not selfish enough for it.

She also feared the disappointment.

But it hurt. It hurt deeply.

Kathryn was not a crying person. She didn’t cry the first time Chakotay made love to her, slowly, carefully, almost shyly.

She didn’t cry when they had heard Tuvok’s voice coming out of the comm badges, looking at each other, realizing that the relationship they had just started to develop would be over the day after tomorrow.

But here she was sitting, shedding tears over a dumb razor. Because it was not just any razor. 

It was the only memory that she had of her father.

She deeply regretted taking it with her on this trip instead of keeping it safely at home. But then she had not expected to be stranded at the other side of the galaxy. How could anyone expect that?

She started when her door chiming suddenly yanked her out of her thoughts. Quickly wiping the tears away she called, “Come in!”

She hoped her unknown visitor had not heard the crack in her voice. She probably should have told him to go away, to leave her alone, but as a captain you were on call 24/7. You had no privacy.

The door opened and Chakotay slowly walked in. He was the last person she wanted to see right now. She retreated to the window, turning her back to him, looking out at the stars. She imagined him looking around puzzled at the mess she’d made. She didn’t care.

“What is it?” she managed, her voice steadier this time. She hoped for him to quickly say what he had come to say and leave again.

But he was quiet for a long time. Finally he said, “Kathryn. Look at me. Please.”

_Kathryn._

They had agreed to not continue their relationship. For now. But she had conceded when he’d said that he couldn’t go back to call her captain when it was just the two of them. It would serve as a reminder of what they’d had, and maybe might have again, in a distant future.

Right now, she hated it. She hated him. If it hadn’t been for him she’d never had gotten the kit out in the first place, and the razor would still be where it was supposed to be.

She was unreasonable, she knew it, but she needed someone to blame. Anger was better than tears. It would help her carry on.

But when he refused to continue to speak, she finally turned around, looking at him expectantly and also challenging. This better be good.

“Kathryn,” he said again then stopped, seemingly at a loss for words. She pondered whether she could have security remove him from her quarters.

But once she took a proper look at him she softened. She had been so occupied with her own feelings that she had failed to see how miserable Chakotay looked. He hardly was able to look her into the eyes. His shoulders were slumped, and he uncharacteristically stood with his hands in his pockets.

She’d never seen Chakotay with his hands in his pockets. And she knew his hands very well, having studied them closely for two years now. Fingers opening and closing around the grip of a phaser, pushing buttons on the console, resting low on his hips, or gripping the rail when the bridge was shaking from another impact.

And then, on New Earth, she had come to know these hands in a much more intimate way. She’d marveled how something that looked so big and rough could feel so tender and soft. For the whole time that Chakotay had been her First Officer she always had the feeling that if she ever should stumble, his hands would be ready to catch her.

But now he was hiding them from her sight. And she suddenly remembered again where she was. And that she still didn’t know what he was doing here.

“I’m sorry,” he finally blurted out while removing his hands from his pockets. And in his outstretched right palm lay the thing she had expected to see the least right now.

Her father’s razor.

“How…? Why…?”

She took a deep breath and tried again.

“Where did you find this?”

Again Chakotay avoided her eyes.

“I’m so sorry. I know how much this means to you. You were probably looking for it for days already. I had put it in my pocket on New Earth when I brought the table and chair in the next morning after our – shower. I had wanted to give it to you but then with everything happening I forgot. Will you forgive me?”

Kathryn couldn’t bear it any longer. Instead of an answer she reached up and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you,” she said into his neck. Slowly his arms closed around her and he hugged her back.

“If only I had opened my cargo container earlier,” he said quietly.

“It’s okay, I only did it tonight myself.”

“I can see that.”

She couldn’t help it, with the tension falling off her so suddenly she had to laugh and he joined her, both relieved that this had come to a good end.

Reluctantly they then let go of each other but continued to stand close.

“Kathryn,” Chakotay said finally. “We need to talk. This isn’t working.”

“I agree. But not tonight. Tonight I want to celebrate. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Let me quickly help you.”

Together they cleared the dresses from the floor.

Kathryn did not know what tomorrow would bring. But one thing she knew for sure: Chakotay would always be by her side.

The End


End file.
